In my fifteen years of marriage ministry and pastoral counseling, I have never seen a couple divorce over dirty dishes, yet I have sat with hundreds of couples who started a war over them. I remember one specific Tuesday night in my own marriage when a simple question about a credit card charge spiraled into a two-hour shouting match. My heart was racing, my palms were sweating, and my primary goal shifted from "stewardship" to "victory." This is the reality of the fight-or-flight response. When a spouse raises their voice or offers a critique, our brains often bypass logic and jump straight to defense. We aren't just sinful; we are physiologically flooded with cortisol, making it nearly impossible to listen. Proverbs 15:1 warns that "a harsh word stirs up anger," and this isn't just poetry - it is a biological and spiritual fact. In that moment of escalation, we weaponize our intimacy. Because I know my wife better than anyone, I know exactly what to say to dismantle her confidence. We do this to protect our fragile egos, weaponizing truth to inflict pain rather than solve problems. This impulse to "match intensity" - to yell because they yelled, to accuse because they criticized - is the single greatest destroyer of marital peace. It invites chaos into the sanctuary of the home, transforming teammates into combatants.
Continue reading to see more...