faith and-family

The Grandparent’s Influence: How I Play the "Long Game" of Faith

A retired educator and deacon reflects on shifting from an "Authority Mindset" to an "Influence Mindset" to maintain a spiritual connection with his grandchildren.

David Miller
5 min read
family-sitting-at-the-garden

I remember the exact moment the reality of modern grandparenting hit me during a visit to my son’s home in suburban Chicago in the summer of 2023. I was sitting at the dining table, watching my teenage grandson scroll through TikTok while the family ate. There was no prayer before the meal, and the conversation steered toward a cultural topic that completely contradicted the biblical values I had spent four decades teaching as a deacon and school administrator. My instinct - honed by years of correcting behavior in classrooms and pews - was to speak up immediately. I wanted to correct the theology, demand the phone be put away, and restore order. But I looked at my daughter-in-law’s tired eyes and my son’s defensive posture, and I realized something terrifying: I have absolutely no authority here. If I had opened my mouth to preach in that moment, I wouldn't have saved the day; I would have simply been uninvited from the next Sunday dinner. That night, I made a conscious decision to shift from an "Authority Mindset" to an "Influence Mindset." As an educator, I know that you cannot force a student to learn if they do not trust the teacher. I realized that being "right" was worthless if I wasn't "safe." To survive this transition, I had to accept three hard truths:

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